Talking with your family can be really fun and important. It helps everyone feel closer and understand each other better. But sometimes, starting those conversations can be a bit tricky, especially when everyone is busy with their own personal lives. If you aren’t careful, you can get to the end of the day and realize that everyone has simply survived in their own little bubble without actually letting other family members into what’s happening in their lives.
As a parent, you can’t force your kids or spouse to talk. You can, however, foster an environment in which it’s much easier and more natural to open up.
Let’s explore a few tips to help you get there.
- Be a Great Listener
If you’re serious about wanting to have great conversations, you need to perfect the art of being an awesome listener. That means when someone is talking, you’re all ears. You’re paying attention to what they’re saying without interrupting. You’re showing you’re interested by nodding your head and giving audible feedback.
Opening up and being vulnerable is difficult. If people know that you’re a good listener who values what they’re saying, they’re much more likely to take that leap of faith and say something (when they otherwise might just clam up and keep it to themselves).
- Lead By Example
You can’t expect your family to do anything that you’re not willing to do yourself. In fact, you should already be doing it. Make sure you’re leading by example – telling people about your day, asking for advice, and bringing up vulnerable topics that allow people to fully know you.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions
Sometimes, people need prompting in order to chat. Open-ended questions are kind of like your ‘secret weapon’ for prompting good conversation. Get good at asking them and conversation will flow.
Instead of asking yes or no questions like “Did you have a good day?” try “What was the best part of your day?” This kind of question needs more than a one-word answer, giving your family a chance to share more about their experiences and feelings.
- Create a Chat-Friendly Zone
Make a special time or place where everyone knows it’s time to talk. Maybe it’s dinner time when everyone is together, or a comfy corner in the living room with some snacks. When people feel relaxed and not rushed, they’re more likely to open up and enjoy the conversation.
If you have a backyard, consider getting a fire pit and having regular family time around it. There’s something powerful about sitting around a fire that seems to spark conversation. It envelopes multiple senses – including sight, sound, smell, and touch – and seems to put people in a trance where they feel relaxed and willing to speak.
You can lead these moments off with easy questions that sort of “prime” people to talk. Keep these questions age-appropriate and interest-appropriate so that every family member can feel like they’re being engaged. For children, “What if” questions are super fun and can lead to some creative and interesting conversations. Try asking things like, “If you could have any superpower; what would it be?” These questions can lead to laughs and some deep thoughts, too.
Another cool way to chat, whether you’re at the kitchen table or around a fire, is to go around and have each person share the best and the trickiest part of their day. It’s a simple way to cheer on the good stuff and offer support for the not-so-good stuff. It shows that you’re all in this together, through ups and downs.
- Dive Into Their Interests
People love talking about things they’re into, whether it’s a sport, a TV show, or a hobby. Ask your family members about their favorite things and really listen when they tell you about them. You might learn something new, and they’ll appreciate your interest in what makes them happy.
This is actually a really important concept. If you want to build trust and connection, it happens best when you do it on someone else’s terms. By discussing things that they’re interested in and comfortable speaking about, it helps them build confidence and trust with you – paving the way for deeper conversations later.
Celebrate the Small Wins
When you have a good chat, even if it’s just a few minutes long, celebrate that! It’s a step towards even better conversations in the future. Let your family know you enjoyed talking and look forward to more discussions. Don’t put too much pressure on any one moment. The goal is to establish a culture of open conversation. You do this by seizing little moments here and there.